It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

Setting Effective Limits: A Conversation About SLIC Solutions for ConflictBill Eddy and Megan Hunter welcome co-author Ekaterina Ricci to discuss their new book "SLIC Solutions for Conflict," exploring practical approaches to setting limits and consequences with individuals who demonstrate challenging behaviors.The episode introduces the "two and a half steps" approach: establishing clear boundaries, implementing consequences, and selectively using empathy, attention, and respect (EAR) statements. Traditional empathy-focused approaches may sometimes enable rather than resolve difficult situations, particularly with individuals who demonstrate manipulative behaviors.Bill Eddy outlines five crucial questions for establishing consequences...

In this episode of It's All Your Fault, host Megan Hunter interviews Amanda Smith, LCSW, about her groundbreaking new book on self-compassion and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills for people who have borderline personality disorder traits. The discussion explores how incorporating self-compassion into treatment can enhance recovery and improve outcomes.Understanding Self-Compassion in BPD TreatmentThe conversation delves into how self-compassion serves as a vital but often overlooked component in treating borderline personality disorder traits. Amanda Smith draws on 19 years of clinical experience to explain why traditional confrontational approaches often backfire, while self-compassion can help reduce...

In this classic episode from the archives, Bill and Megan examine the growing challenges faced by elderly populations dealing with individuals who demonstrate high conflict behaviors. As global demographics shift toward an aging population, understanding how to protect vulnerable seniors becomes increasingly critical.The hosts explore how individuals who exhibit manipulative personality traits may target elderly people through isolation, financial exploitation, and emotional manipulation. They discuss why traditional support systems may miss these subtle forms of control, and how societal changes have created new vulnerabilities.Key Vulnerabilities Addressed:Increasing isolation in elderly populationsFinancial exploitation...

Exposure and Public Shaming as Conflict Management Tools: A Critical AnalysisIn this back episode from the High Conflict Institute podcast, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter tackle a challenging question that many face when dealing with difficult workplace situations: Is exposing someone's problematic behavior an effective strategy for creating change? While the impulse to "name and shame" may feel justified, especially when facing reputation damage or distortion campaigns, the hosts explore why this approach often backfires with high conflict personalities.When dealing with individuals who demonstrate high conflict behavior patterns, the threat of exposure frequently...

Managing High Conflict in Today's WorkplaceIn this episode from the High Conflict Institute archives, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter welcome Cherolyn Knapp, a lawyer, mediator, and workplace investigator who brings fresh perspectives on handling workplace conflict. While the discussion captures workplace dynamics during an earlier phase of post-pandemic adjustment, the insights on conflict management remain remarkably relevant for today's organizations.Understanding Workplace Conflict PatternsThe discussion explores how traditional workplace conflict resolution methods often fall short with certain behavioral patterns. Cherolyn shares insights from her extensive experience, noting that while standard approaches work...

Young Adults Navigating Life with High Conflict ParentsIn this classic episode from the archives, Bill and Megan explore why many young adults struggle to launch successfully into independent life, particularly those raised by parents who demonstrate high conflict behaviors. They examine how today's interconnected world, while offering unprecedented opportunities, can also amplify feelings of inadequacy and isolation for young people trying to find their path.The hosts discuss how growing up with a parent who exhibits self-focused personality traits can leave young adults feeling responsible for managing their parent's emotions instead of developing their...

In this classic episode from the archives, special guest Cherolyn Knapp joins Bill and Megan to tackle listener questions about managing challenging workplace dynamics. They explore how high conflict behavior manifests in professional settings - from overt confrontations to more subtle forms of workplace disruption.The hosts examine why traditional disciplinary approaches often backfire, discussing instead how skills-based interventions can transform difficult workplace relationships. They emphasize the importance of recognizing that problematic behavior doesn't always present as obvious conflict.Key Workplace Challenges Addressed:Managing interdepartmental tensionsResponding to passive-aggressive behaviorSupporting targeted team membersEssential...

Holiday Peace: Managing High Conflict Personalities During CelebrationsBill Eddy and Megan Hunter return to explore practical strategies for handling challenging personalities during holiday gatherings. As many of our longtime listeners enjoy revisiting this timeless discussion during our winter programming, we're pleased to reshare these essential tools for maintaining peace while preserving relationships during family events.Understanding high conflict personalities requires both preparation and practice. Through real-world examples and expert insights, this conversation illuminates the complex dynamics that often emerge during holiday celebrations. Whether managing others' behaviors or our own stress responses, the techniques shared...

Setting Limits That Stick: The SLIC Approach to Conflict ResolutionBill Eddy and Megan Hunter discuss SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps, co-authored by Bill Eddy and Ekaterina Ricci. This episode explores how their practical SLIC method (Setting Limits, Imposing Consequences) helps parents establish and maintain effective boundaries with children of all ages.Understanding the SLIC MethodThe SLIC approach combines three key elements: setting clear limits, imposing appropriate consequences, and using strategic empathy statements. This 2 1/2 step method provides a structured framework for parents facing boundary-testing behaviors, whether...

Identifying Red Flags: Making Safer Relationship ChoicesDr. David Wexler joins Bill Eddy to discuss his new book "Choose Him Wisely: How to Identify a Safe Partner," co-authored with Dr. Donald Meichenbaum. Drawing from over 40 years of clinical experience working with relationship dynamics and domestic violence, Dr. Wexler shares crucial insights about recognizing concerning patterns early in relationships.Understanding Warning SignsThe conversation explores three key categories of warning signs: observed behaviors, historical factors, and gut feelings. Dr. Wexler explains how early relationship behaviors like "love bombing," expressions of contempt, and patterns of entitlement...

Healthcare Conflict Management: Insights from the Pandemic and BeyondIn this episode of "It's All Your Fault," host Megan Hunter welcomes Dr. Jeff Stuart, an experienced physician executive and co-founder of RxSolve Conflict, to discuss conflict management in healthcare settings. Their conversation explores how the pandemic transformed healthcare conflicts and what lessons can help improve communication and patient care.Understanding Healthcare Conflict DynamicsDr. Stuart shares insights from his three decades of medical practice and leadership, including his experience as Chief Medical Officer during the pandemic. He describes how hospitals function as inherently...

Navigating Grandparent Roles in High Conflict DivorcesThis episode of "It's All Your Fault" features Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter addressing two distinct listener questions. The first explores the challenging position grandparents face when their adult children experience contentious divorces. The second examines complex co-parenting dynamics involving an ex-spouse demonstrating high conflict behavior and a new spouse seeking involvement.Understanding Family Dynamics in High Conflict SituationsThe hosts examine how family members can effectively navigate these challenging situations while maintaining appropriate boundaries. They discuss practical strategies for managing communication, setting limits, and fostering healthy relationships...

Navigating Complex Relationships: From Personal Transformation to Step-Family DynamicsBill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore two compelling listener questions involving relationship challenges and personal growth. This episode provides valuable insights for anyone dealing with complex interpersonal dynamics or seeking lasting behavioral change.Understanding Personal Transformation and High-Conflict RelationshipsThe episode examines how individuals can create meaningful change in their lives through skill development and self-awareness. The hosts discuss practical approaches for managing challenging relationships, particularly in blended family situations where communication difficulties arise between step-parents and biological parents.Questions Addressed in...

Navigating Hostile Neighbor Situations: Understanding and Managing Community ConflictResponding to a listener question, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter address a challenging situation many face: dealing with hostile neighbors. This episode explores strategies for maintaining composure while protecting yourself and your family when faced with neighborhood tensions, providing practical insights for those experiencing community conflict.Understanding Neighborhood Conflict DynamicsThe hosts analyze how neighborhood disputes can escalate from initial interactions into ongoing patterns of hostile behavior. They examine how children can be affected by and involved in neighborhood tensions, offering guidance for parents...

In this our next listener’s questions episode, High Conflict Institute co-founders Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy address three complex scenarios involving challenging relationship dynamics, boundary setting, and family conflicts.Mike seeks advice about an ex-girlfriend who refuses to leave his home despite receiving money to do so, using suicide threats as leverage. The hosts discuss implementing their new SLIC method (Setting Limits, Imposing Consequences) and the importance of following through with consequences while having appropriate support systems in place. They emphasize that enabling behavior rarely leads to positive change.Leonard from Sweden asks about co...

When High Conflict Personalities InteractIn this listener-driven episode, High Conflict Institute co-founders Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy tackle three complex scenarios from listeners, exploring relationship dynamics between different personality patterns, protecting children from parental alienation, and repairing family bonds damaged by forced estrangement.Listener Jay asks about common personality pattern pairings in relationships. Bill Eddy shares that about half of high conflict relationships involve two people with challenging personality traits. Common combinations include individuals with borderline and narcissistic traits, as well as those with antisocial and histrionic characteristics. These pairings often occur because the...

Mastering High-Stakes Legal Testimony: Confronting High Conflict Behavior in the CourtroomBill Eddy and Megan Hunter analyze a compelling murder trial where a defendant who demonstrated high conflict behavior attempted to control courtroom dynamics through charm, intelligence, and confrontation. Drawing from this case study, they explore how legal professionals can maintain composure and authority when facing witnesses who exhibit traits common to high conflict personalities, including extreme confidence, bullying tactics, and sophisticated manipulation techniques.The episode then addresses two listener questions: a therapist's observation about clients who show limited empathy in human relationships yet demonstrate...

REBROADCASTIn this vital encore episode, Bill and Megan provide essential guidance for anyone facing false accusations or becoming a target of blame from high-conflict individuals. They explore practical strategies for protecting yourself while maintaining composure, offering specific tactics to minimize risk and manage difficult accusations effectively. The discussion includes nuanced approaches to correcting misinformation without escalating conflict, and how to thoughtfully assert truth while avoiding defensive responses that often backfire.Additional ResourcesExpert PublicationsHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesIt's All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for...

REBROADCASTIn this essential encore episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter delve deep into understanding high conflict borderline personalities, often called the "Love You Hate You" types. They explore the complex world of these challenging relationships, where charm can rapidly transform into rage. The discussion illuminates the defining characteristics of high conflict borderline personalities, including their emotional regulation struggles and tendency toward all-or-nothing thinking. Bill and Megan examine the prevalence of borderline personality disorder, the overlap with high conflict personalities, and offer practical strategies for managing these challenging dynamics while maintaining hope for recovery.Additional...

REBROADCASTIn this valuable encore episode, Bill and Megan tackle three critical listener questions that remain deeply relevant. They begin by addressing a parent's concern about protecting their toddler during a high-conflict custody case involving someone displaying narcissistic traits, offering practical strategies for both the legal process and emotional support. The conversation then shifts to handling intimidating behavior and urgent decision-making scenarios, particularly when dealing with someone who attempts to force their approach. Finally, they explore the complex dynamics of living with someone who has BPD traits, discussing both the potential psychological impact and the importance of...