Typology

Here's something I've noticed after years of teaching the Enneagram: there's usually a moment when someone who knows their type well suddenly encounters something that doesn't fit. A behavior they can't explain. A pattern that seems to contradict everything their type is supposed to do. More often than not, the answer lives in the instincts. In this episode — Episode 3 of our Enneagram Essentials series — Anthony and I go into one of the most undertaught concepts in popular Enneagram culture: the three instinctual drives. Every human being is wired with three biological survival drives — Self-Preservation, Social, and Sexual (or One...

Most people who know the Enneagram know their type. Fewer know their Basic Fear. And even fewer have sat with it long enough to understand why knowing your basic fear is so important. In this episode — the second in our Enneagram Essentials series — Anthony and I go beneath the type descriptions and into the motivational core of the system: the nine Basic Fears and their counterparts, the nine Basic Desires. These are the engine underneath every pattern the Enneagram describes.  We go through all nine — what each type is running from, what it's running toward, and wha...

After nine seasons of Typology, Anthony and I thought we should revisit some of the basics.  This is the first episode of a five-part series we're calling Enneagram Essentials. Think of today as the front door — we cover the ground every listener needs, from how to find your type to how the Enneagram works in relationships, in faith, and in seasons of genuine suffering.  Then, in Episodes 2 through 5, we go deeper into the concepts that most Enneagram teaching glosses over: Basic Fears and Desires, Instincts, Subtypes, and Virtues. The four things that, in my experience, change everything once...

There's a particular kind of courage it takes for a Nine to write a book called Good Boundaries and Goodbyes — and Lysa TerKeurst has earned every word of it. Join us as we revisit Ian's conversation with the New York Times bestselling author to explore what it actually looks like to wake up from the Nine's trance of self-forgetting, find your voice, and learn to hold the line with compassion and clarity. Lysa gets honest about her own journey: the years of codependency during a long marriage marked by addiction and affairs, the discovery that boundaries aren't wa...

What does it mean to "get it right" as a parent? Not perfectly. Not without regret. Not with some airtight system that guarantees your children will become exactly who you hoped they'd be. But with intention. With humility. With the long view in mind. In this replay episode of Typology, I sit down with Andy and Sandra Stanley—both Enneagram Ones—to talk about their book, Parenting: Getting It Right. And what unfolds is a deeply honest, practical, and surprisingly tender conversation about parenting toward relationship instead of mere compliance. Andy and Sandra shar...

We're going back into the vault for one of our most popular mailbag episodes from Season 3 — and the questions are just as good as we remembered. In this episode, Ian and co-host Anthony Skinner answer listener questions on some of the Enneagram's most nuanced and personal territory: Can trauma actually change your type? What is the "sunny Four," and why do subtypes matter so much for Fours and Sixes? How do Threes and Fours process grief differently — and what does healthy grieving even look like through an Enneagram lens? What does it mean to have a heavy wing...

What if the reason your closest relationships feel stuck isn't about how much you care — but about how differently you and the people you love communicate? Today, I sit down with Jason VanRuler, therapist, Enneagram Two, and author of Discovering Your Communication Type: The 5 Paths to Deeper Connection and Stronger Relationships, as he introduces us to his P.A.T.H.S. framework — five communication styles he identified through years of working with couples navigating betrayal, teams in conflict, and individuals trying to understand why the same words land so differently depending on who's in the room. Those five type...

What if the very thing driving your success is quietly breaking you? Brooke Taylor, Enneagram Three, career coach, and author of Healing the Success Wound,  joins me for a searingly honest conversation about achievement, identity, and spiritual hunger.. Brooke grew up in Silicon Valley where worth was measured in gold stars, landed at Google by her early twenties, and found herself drowning in a success she couldn't feel. We talk about the success wound which, as Brooke describes it, is the pain that comes from mistaking productivity and achievement for self-worth — the deeply installed belief that the mor...

Have you ever known where you want to go—but felt mysteriously stuck getting there? In this episode of Typology, I sit down with Dr. Henry Cloud, clinical psychologist, leadership expert, and bestselling author of Boundaries, to talk about his new book, Your Desired Future: The Five Essential Steps That Take You Where You Want to Go. Together, we explore the intersection of faith, psychology, the Enneagram, self-awareness, and personal growth, and how real transformation begins when we stop shaming ourselves for where we are and start getting curious about what's possible. Henry brings his characteristic wisdom, war...

"Emotions drive 90 to 95% of our unconscious decision-making." Attia Qureshi is back — and this time, we go deeper. After her first interview, Attia's insights on persuasion and negotiation were so helpful that Anthony put them to the test in a real-life negotiation and said, "they changed the game." So, we invited her back to go deeper into the ideas behind her book, Never Settle: Persuasion and Negotiation Skills to Get What You Want, and explore how each Enneagram type approaches one of the most important conversations we can have: asking for what we need.But, as At...

Every once in a while, a conversation comes along that makes you pull out your earbuds and stare into the middle distance. This is one of those. My guest today didn't come to promote a book or launch a course. He's here because he's a good friend with hard-won wisdom — and the rare ability to articulate what's actually going on inside. Meet Brian Boecker, therapist at Restoring the Soul in Denver, Colorado, and an Enneagram Nine who has spent years doing the slow, unglamorous, profoundly important work of finding himself. We go deep on what it...

What happens when two powerful paths—Buddhism and the Enneagram—sit down for a conversation? In this episode, Ian welcomes author and Buddhist teacher Susan Piver (The Buddhist Enneagram) to explore the overlap between these two systems. Susan's new book, The Buddhist Enneagram, offers a fresh lens on personality—not as something to fix, but as something to understand, soften, and ultimately hold with compassion. This conversation goes beyond personality labels and into something deeper: How your patterns form, why they stick, and how awareness—not willpower—is what actually creates change. If you've eve...

Most of us think we're avoiding hard conversations because we don't know what to say. But that's not really the problem. In this episode, Ian and Anthony dive into the real reason we sidestep the conversations that matter most—and it has a lot less to do with skill and a lot more to do with what's happening inside of us. Because here's the truth: you can have the best negotiation strategy in the world, but if you don't understand the emotional dynamics underneath the conversation, you're going to be dead in the wa...

What if the conversations you're avoiding… are actually the doorway to the relationships you want? In this replay from our Courageous Conversations series, I sit down with conflict resolution expert James Guinn to explore a truth most of us would rather sidestep: conflict isn't the problem—our style of engaging it is. Together, we unpack the hidden patterns that shape how you show up when tension rises—whether you withdraw, accommodate, compete, analyze, or collaborate—and how those instincts, often wired beneath your awareness, quietly drive the outcomes of your hardest conversations. Here's the deal...

Last week, we kicked off our Courageous Conversations series with a fresh look at building emotional confidence. This week, we lay the groundwork for how personality, emotional regulation, and awareness all play into navigating conversations that matter.  I sat down with Attia Qureshi—an expert in negotiation and persuasion—but what unfolds isn't just about getting what you want. It's about why we want what we want…and what's really driving us underneath it all. Attia shares a moment of deep rejection from her childhood that led her to build what she calls an "exoskeleton" of stre...

  This week, we're kicking off a multi-week series on how to have courageous conversations.  We'll be digging into the foundations of emotional confidence, strategies for negotiation, and how to have difficult conversations.  Today, we're taking a fresh look at our conversation with Alicia Michelle to learn how to slow down your inner world and regulate your thoughts, your emotions, and your reactions before you ever step into a hard conversation.  We're talking about building emotional confidence. Not the loud, chest-thumping kind. I mean the quiet, grounded ability to stay present when things get unco...

What happens when the life you built—carefully, faithfully, and very publicly—splits down the middle in a single night? This week on Typology, we're revisiting one of the most powerful conversations we've had on the show—a replay of my interview with bestselling author and cultural truth-teller Jen Hatmaker. Jen, an Enneagram Three with a courageous edge that sometimes looks a lot like an Eight, joined me to talk about her memoir Awake and the "before-and-after date" that changed everything—July 11, 2020— when her 26-year marriage ended and the life she knew cracked wide open. In...

There are some conversations that don't just inform you—they find you. This was one of those for me. In this episode, I sit down with my friend Dudley Delffs—author, therapist, and a fellow self-preservation Four—and what unfolds is less of an interview and more of an honest, unguarded conversation between two people who've spent a lifetime trying to tell the truth about their lives…and sometimes wondering what it costs to do that. We talk about the long journey of being a Four—the early years of feeling different, the instinct to hide parts...

Most leaders think workplace problems are about strategy, performance, or communication. But what if the real issue is something deeper—something invisible shaping how people interpret everything that happens at work? In this episode of Typology, Anthony and I explore how the Enneagram reveals the hidden motivations driving behavior inside teams and leadership groups. When people begin to understand why they—and their colleagues—think, react, and communicate the way they do, everything starts to shift. We talk about what happens when organizations move beyond personality labels and start using the Enneagram as a practical tool f...

In Part 2 of our conversation on using the Enneagram in therapy, we move from theory to lived experience in the room. Anthony and I discuss how type can be understood as an adaptive survival strategy shaped by early attachment and trauma—and how that framing reduces shame instead of reinforcing it. We talk about what it looks like when the Enneagram is actually working in session: increased self-observation, greater emotional regulation, and more compassion. As a therapist, your type doesn't clock out when the session starts, so we dig into the importance of self-awareness and co...