
But For Real
byValerie Martin & Emerson Ryder
EducationSelf-ImprovementHealthFitnessMentalSocietyCulture
Welcome to But For Real: the podcast where all your swirling thoughts about mental health, pop culture, and how to human are blended into one delicious variety show, co-hosted by therapists Valerie Martin (resident elder millennial ✌️) and Emerson Ryder (resident Gen Z 🫶).
Episodes(40 episodes)
Episode 24
Men’s Mental Health & The Power of Gaming with Sam DiMartino 👾
In this episode, we are excited to dive into all things men’s mental health & the power of gaming with one of The Gaia Center’s team members, Sam DiMartino!In his clinical work, Sam supports individuals and couples through an array of topics like grief, trauma, toxic masculinity + men’s issues, systemic oppression, identity exploration etc and also leads our men’s group Tearing Down The Walls! As our Client Journey Liaison he assists our leadership team with ensuring excellent client care and experience, and he does a damn good job. When he’s not therapizing, you can fi...
Published: Aug 6, 2025Duration: 1h 4m 43s
Episode 23
Bougie, Broke, and on a Budget - The Psychology of Money (Part 1)
Today’s episode is allllll about MONEY HUNNY – how we are influenced to think about the construct of money, financial wellbeing, and balancing all of this in the modern landscape of capitalism and consumerism.This episode covers:06:59 - Tea & Crumpets: Stretching in the pool + Courtney Carver11:27 - Step Into My Office: Navigating financial boundaries with friends 18:04 - The DSM: The Psychology of Money44:17 - Now That's What I Call...OKAAAAY!45:41 - Emerson Pick: "Seven Rings" by Ariana Grande48:07 - Valerie Pick: "Look At Me Now" by Karmin (CB Cover)48:55 - Fire Dumpster Phoenix: H-E-B supporting Texas flood...
Published: Jul 23, 2025Duration: 54m 11s
Episode 22
Unplugging, Digital Detox, and the Overwhelming Urge to Throw it in the Ocean 🤳🌊
In today’s world, there’s an interesting juxtaposition between constant (and often necessary) use of technology coupled with conversations around unplugging. In this episode, we dive into digital detoxing, why everyone suddenly wants a flip phone, and how our nervous systems are begging for boundaries. From nostalgic phone memories to the psychology of being “always on,” we’re asking: can we ever truly unplug? (Spoiler: you don’t have to throw your phone in the ocean… but we get it.)This episode covers:05:48 - Tea & Crumpets: Tokyo Disney & Sunrise On The Reaping10:47 - Step Into My Office: Set...
Published: Jul 9, 2025Duration: 51m 51s
Episode 21
Living Your Activism Series: Ella Magers is a Voice for the Animals
In this episode, we have our first installment of a special new mini series titled Living Your Activism. In this series, we're talking to activists and advocates across a wide variety of missions and passions about how they found their thing, what they do to stay grounded and connected with joy amidst all the chaos in the world, and what it means to truly live their activism, not just as a checkbox or some burnout inducing giant commitment, but as something that's interwoven throughout their life in a nourishing, sustainable way.Our guest for this first installment...
Published: Jun 25, 2025Duration: 45m 51s
Episode 20
Turns Out, Talking To Strangers is Healing: The Power of Group Therapy
While the thought of telling a group of strangers about your inner feelings can be scary for many people, group therapy can actually be incredibly powerful. In this episode, we explore the roots of group therapy, the different types of groups, the benefits, times when group therapy is and isn’t a good fit, and resources for finding a group appropriate for your healing journey.This episode covers:06:21 - Tea & Crumpets: Handmaid’s Tale Season 6 and Flow12:46 - Step Into My Office: Group therapy after higher levels of treatment15:40 - The Lore: The story of Emerson gett...
Published: Jun 11, 2025Duration: 1h 3m 23s
Episode 19
Help, I’m Spiritually Curious But Existentially Exhausted 🙏🫠
Spirituality, religion, and being “woo-woo” are all hot topics these days – especially here in Nashville!In this episode, Val and Emerson tackle WTF spirituality actually means, how it differs from religion, how it intertwines with existentialism, and low-stakes ways to engage with it while also avoiding spiritual bypassing.And, as always, we get into other good stuff, including a spooky airBNB story from Val’s cousin (and The Gaia Center’s Director of Operations) Rebecca 👻This episode covers:06:04 - Tea & Crumpets: Val’s new cooking routine + Emerson’s obsession with Swig10:32...
Published: May 28, 2025Duration: 1h 0m 17s
Episode 18
The Couples Therapy Episode
For many people, hearing “couples therapy” brings up the idea of a relationship being in crisis or on the brink of ending – and while couples therapy can be impactful in those cases, there is so much more to it and so many other circumstances where it can be beneficial. In this episode, Valerie and Emerson get into what couples therapy really is, when it’s helpful, when it’s not helpful, and suggestions for what to look for if you’re interested in couples therapy. This episode covers:00:03:23 - Tea & Crumpets: Zumba at the YMCA + Harmen Hoek00:06:53...
Published: May 14, 2025Duration: 1h 3m 40s
Episode 17
Why OCD Is NOT Just Being “So Organized” 🙅
Despite misinformed pop culture statements, OCD isn’t a punchline—it’s a chronic brain loop that can be incredibly challenging for individuals to receive the care they need. In this episode, Val and Em get into the ins-and-outs of OCD, including suggestions for folks who are struggling with it, as well as folks who have a friend or loved one who is struggling. And, as always, we get into plenty of other fun stuff including TV recs and some hopeful headlines – like a rancher’s dog rescuing an infant 🥹This episode covers:04:40 - Tea & Crumpets: The Last of U...
Published: Apr 30, 2025Duration: 50m 48s
Episode 16
Help! The Voice in My Head Is… Kind Of a B*tch
If you’ve ever struggled with a rough inner critic, you’re not alone. While the judgments of the world can certainly get in the way of living your best life, we’re often our own worst enemies. But the good news is that Valerie and Emerson have you covered with a deep dive into the psychology of self-criticism and tips for how to navigate it. And, as always, we get into plenty of other fun stuff, like what “Queening Out” means 💁🏻♀️This episode covers:04:21 - Tea & Crumpets: Book Lovers by Emily Henry and Dense Bean Salad07:41 - Step Into...
Published: Apr 16, 2025Duration: 52m 57s
Episode 15
The One About Adult Friendship 🫂
If you’ve struggled to build or maintain friendships as an adult, you’re not alone – and in this episode, we’ve got you covered!This episode covers:02:20 - Tea & Crumpets: Adolescence on Netflix + Lights On audio documentary07:44 - Step Into My Office: Tips for a fizzling friendship12:41 - The DSM: Seeking/Building Adult Friendships in these trying times32:41 - Now That's What I Call...OKAAAAY! 34:16 - Val’s Pick: "Graduation (Friends Forever)" by Vitamin C35:03 - Em’s Pick: "Count on Me" by Bruno Mars35:12 - Fire Dumpster Phoenix: Gene therapy for sickle cell anemia + a trapped dol...
Published: Apr 2, 2025Duration: 40m 10s
Episode 14
Body Grief & Disability Advocacy with Jayne Mattingly
Today’s episode is so exciting as we have our first guest external to The Gaia Center – the phenomenal Jayne Mattingly.JAYNE MATTINGLY is a disability advocate and eating disorder helping professional. She is also the Founder of the non-for-profit The AND Initiative, which aims to provide inspiration, advocacy, resources, support, and the gifting mobility aids to those with chronic illness and physical disabilities. Jayne lives in South Carolina with her husband and pets.Through her personal experiences and in sharing the stories from everyday people, Jayne illustrates that our body has not and will never be agai...
Published: Mar 19, 2025Duration: 1h 0m 15s
Episode 13
Parasocial Relationships, AKA The Lopsided Bestie Squad 👯♀️
In this week’s episode, Valerie and Emerson are coming at ya live from the corner of a hotel by the Nashville airport thanks to some less than stellar weather before they head to a hypnotherapy training 🤓The main event in this episode is all things parasocial relationships – the good, the bad, and the ugly. And as always, we get into plenty more fun stuff, including what having “the ick” means and some hopeful headlines.This episode covers:05:29 - Tea & Crumpets: Nashville Public Library’s Out of County card + Wakes (Ada & Nathan Ketchie)09:09 - Step Into My...
Published: Mar 5, 2025Duration: 54m 35s
Episode 12
TOO MANY TABS 😶🌫️ The ADHD Episode
Conversations about ADHD (some helpful, some the complete opposite) are practically everywhere in our current world. In this episode, Val and Emerson take a deep dive into what ADHD really is, beyond what short form content often misses. Whether you have ADHD, think you might have ADHD, love someone with ADHD, or are just curious about WTF it is, this episode is for you!This episode covers:01:17 - Random recent hyperfixations03:30 - Tea & Crumpets - Reading ambience music on YouTube + technology boundaries/the joy of missing out08:38 - Step Into My Office: Struggling to read an...
Published: Feb 19, 2025Duration: 58m 9s
Episode 11
The Sleep Episode
Ahhhh, sleep. The thing we spend a third of our life doing and that many people don’t get enough of – grab those jammies and eye masks and let’s talk about sleep!This episode covers:01:59 - Tea & Crumpets: From Here to the Great Unknown + Activations App06:25 - Step Into My Office: When work struggles seep into our personal lives11:13 - The DSM: Talking about all things sleep40:48 - Now That's What I Call...OKAAAAAY!41:50 - Em Pick: "Adore You" by Miley Cyrus43:58 - Val Pick: "Dante's Prayer" by Loreena McKennitt44:24 - Wait… What?! (~the sleep edition~...
Published: Feb 5, 2025Duration: 51m 55s
Episode 10
How to Get the Most Out of Therapy
Whether you’re currently in therapy or have been exploring finding a therapist, you’ve probably wondered, “How do I get the most out of therapy?”In this episode, Valerie and Emerson share their top tips for making the most out of your sessions…and Emerson also shares a real therapist moment of ripping her pants at the office 🫣As always, there’s so much more, including great song recommendations and some hopeful moments to get you through the chaos and heaviness of living in this world.This episode covers:00:06:34 - Tea & Crumpets – KINR...
Published: Jan 22, 2025Duration: 1h 4m 35s
Episode 9
Kicking Off the New Year with Compassionate Self-Discipline
2025 is officially here, and in this week’s episode, Val and Emerson are talking all about how to kick off the new year with compassionate self-discipline, instead of the often toxic #newyearnewme mentality. This episode covers:03:42 - Tea & Crumpets: Emerson is getting creative with her iPad and Val finally started watching Nobody Wants This.08:03 - The Lore: After extreme stress due to caring for aging parents, a woman had a bizarre immune reaction that showed her very tangibly that she needed a fresh start.11:50 - The DSM: The #NewYearNewMe culture historically isn’t working for the vast...
Published: Jan 8, 2025Duration: 44m 23s
Episode 8
Deep Dive on our Fave Besties, ✨ ANXIETY & STRESS ✨
In this week’s episode, Val and Em take a deep dive into two topics that are relatable for pretty much everyone in today’s society – anxiety and stress 😅From basic definitions, to stats, to practical tips for how to actually manage anxiety and stress, this episode is a must listen.And, as always, we get into so much more – including some of Val’s lore 🤪This episode covers:1:00 - Thoughts on the end of the year/new year reflections02:47 - Tea & Crumpets: Men Who Hate Women by Laura Bates & Buy Now...
Published: Dec 25, 2024Duration: 58m 29s
Episode 7
Overconsumption Gone Wild 💸🫠
This week’s episode is very timely – from exploring how influencer culture and hyperconsumerism intertwine (we’re lookin’ at you, post-Black-Friday-buyer’s-remorse 😅), to the wild ride that was Emerson acquiring her new “happy light”, the sweet story of two friends that met through an accidental text message, and so much more – this episode has something for everyone!This episode covers:03:34 - Tea & Crumpets: Outlander is BACK and Wicked is AMAZING!!!07:57 - The Lore: How Emerson got her happy light13:53 - The DSM: Influencer Culture + Hyperconsumerism47:02 - Now That’s What I Call…OKAAAAY48:11 - Val’s Pick: “Paper Bag” by Fion...
Published: Dec 11, 2024Duration: 56m 38s
Episode 6
The Fascinating Mindf*ck that is Nostalgia
Ah, nostalgia…What is it about this slippery little beastie that can simultaneously turn on all the good feels of reminiscing on the good ole’ days, while also making you compare your current self to your past self in a way that makes you want to crawl into a hole and never come out? We are diving deep into the good, bad, and ugly of nostalgia in this episode— and a lot more!In this episode of But For Real, we’re gabbing about:01:18 - Val and Emerson’s post election reflections05:10 - Tea & Cru...
Published: Nov 27, 2024Duration: 50m 47s
Episode 5
Dating & Attachment Styles in the App Era
While this week’s episode is airing in a post-2024 election world, it was recorded prior to the election – so you’ll get to hear Val & Emerson’s thoughts + advice for their future selves…which is now advice for their current selves. 😵💫🤪This episode runs the gamut from Dancing With The Stars & Bad Monkey, some of Emerson’s lore, whatever TF touching grass means, and our main event – navigating dating and attachment styles in the app era.So, whether you’re looking for a good TV or music rec, want to reconnect with your own embarrassing middle school...
Published: Nov 13, 2024Duration: 1h 1m 11s